


the only guide to pull you home

by aeriamamaduck



Series: Somewhere to Begin [8]
Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Fantasy, Alternate Universe - Shapeshifters, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Animal Transformation, Brothers, Depressed Victor Nikiforov, Established Katsuki Yuuri/Victor Nikiforov, Family, Family Feels, Heavy Angst, Injury Recovery, Long-Haired Victor Nikiforov, Love, M/M, Major Character Injury, Mental Link, Reunions, Separations, Shapeshifting, Victor and Yuri are brothers, War
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-15
Updated: 2018-11-09
Packaged: 2019-07-06 06:18:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 15,383
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15880272
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aeriamamaduck/pseuds/aeriamamaduck
Summary: Left behind in Hasetsu, Victor waits for Yuuri's return.





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> APOLOGIES FOR MAKING YOU ALL WAIT A MONTH FOR THIS.
> 
> This chapter takes place almost simultaneously as Yuuri's pov in _and i hear you calling in the dead of night_ , only it starts a few hours earlier. Morning, specifically.

* * *

 

_I'll leave the light on in your window_

_If I have to burn the whole thing down_

* * *

Victor came awake slowly, eyes adjusting to the darkness in the room.

 

He turned and stared at the empty spot beside him, reaching out to let his hand trail over where Yuuri's warmth would have been. He wondered why he expected anything different, and it wasn't like he could pretend Yuuri was anywhere in Hasetsu.

 

Months. Actual months. In the back of his mind Victor wondered how he'd been able to get through a single  _hour_ without Yuuri.

 

Victor closed his eyes and inhaled deeply, trying to recapture the memory of Yuuri's scent. He remembered being so completely surrounded by it in the other man's cabin, eventually feeling a form of security he hadn't felt in so long. He'd taken it for granted, he now realized, burying his face in Yuuri's pillow.

  

_Good morning, sleepyhead._

 

Victor could feel him, though, warm and brilliant in the dark of his mind. He sighed and smiled into the empty room, feeling Yuuri's voice like a caress.

 

_Good morning, darling. You didn't stay up again, did you?_

 

_I didn't. I...rested._

 

_That's not sleep, Yuuri._

 

_I don't really sleep anymore._

 

Victor wanted to reach across the cruel miles to gather Yuuri into his arms, soothing the weary fear trickling through their bond. He knew of war, but had never experienced it for himself. He knew of loss and grief, and knew very well how much effort Yuuri put into getting his patients through. And he knew just how often those efforts failed.

 

The pain of it made Victor feel like his heart was being ripped apart, and more than anything he wanted Yuuri in his arms, to let him take whatever comfort he wanted. 

 

When Yuuri returned, Victor was determined to do just that. Whatever it took to let Yuuri feel safe and happy again, and they could finally go back home. 

 

Yuuri was far away again. That was fine (it wasn't). He was busy, and Victor couldn't keep distracting him from his duties. He pulled away from him, albeit reluctantly, and got out of bed. 

 

Minutes later he was cheerily shaking Yuri by the shoulder, ignoring his grumbling and angry swats at him. "Come on,  _kotik_ , get up! Lots to do today!"

 

"Go  _away!"_ his brother snarled, yanking his blanket over his head and curling upinto a ball. His voice muffled by the blanket, he growled, "That storeroom makes me sneeze, and you end up smelling like it  _every fucking night_."

 

"Such awful language, Yura," Victor sight with immense regret as he got up and pulled the blanket off in one quick movement, making Yuri hiss at him. "It's important work, after all!"

 

"You're cutting plants and putting them in jars," Yuri droned, dragging his fingers through his sleep-tangled hair. "Even you can't make that sound fun."

 

Victor ignored that too. Being in the storeroom and learning from Mari was the closest thing to actually being with Yuuri. "Are you going to Minako's again?" he asked, reaching out to carefully draw his fingers through the tangled strands. Yuri slowly relaxed, his shoulders lowering as Victor combed through his hair. "I can braid your hair for you. I have time."

 

"Yeah, fine," Yuri muttered, tipping his head back a little. "...So how's the pig? 

 

"Yuuri's just fine. He's working hard," Victor replied as he parted the strands of hair. "And like I keep telling him, he needs to rest." 

 

Yuri gave an acknowledging hum, and there were a few moments of silence as Victor's fingers moved swiftly, coiling one strand atop the other repeatedly until he tied his brother's hair off. Perfect. Then Yuri looked over his shoulder, catching Victor's gaze for a moment before it darted away as he asked in low tones, "Anything about Otabek?"

 

Victor gaped at his brother before a grin spread across his face. He'd had a few suspicions, but had essentially forgotten them in the face of Yuri's injury and Yuuri's departure. He took the soft blush on Yuri's face as all the confirmation he needed, and asked knowingly, "No. Why? Is there something specific you want to know? I could ask!"

 

Spinning around and glaring at Victor through his flush, Yuri snarled, " _Don't."_  

 

Still beaming back at him, Victor added with a laugh, "I think this is your first time showing interest in someone!"

 

" _Shut up!"_   Yuri growled with a shove at Victor's chest, making him huff out his laughter. Sitting up again, Victor quieted enough to see Yuri frowning at the floor, and heard him mutter, "It's complicated. Annoying."

 

Victor hummed in understanding. "But doesn't it feel good? Especially in your heart?"

 

"No. It feels like I'm gonna puke." 

 

"Well, there's that too," Victor agreed. Kind of.

 

Yuri kept frowning, avoiding Victor's gaze as he touched his stomach with his hand, right over where his injury had been. Victor immediately sobered at the reminder, and Yuri's frown turned into something a bit more worried as he murmured, "After I got hurt, he said something about me having 'soldier's eyes'. I guess that sounds stupid." 

 

"It definitely sounds funny!" Victor said brightly. Ducking to avoid Yurio's angry swat, he caught the boy's wrist and added, "But also sweet. And true. You're strong. Stronger than one would expect." He squeezed his brother's wrist gently, memory pulling him back to the day of Yurio's birth. He'd been twelve and under Yakov's care during his mother's labor, but nothing stopped him from hearing the frankly terrifying sounds coming from her mouth. When he finally did see Yuri for the first time later that night, Victor wondered how something so tiny could have caused his mother so much pain. 

 

He felt Yuri's gaze on him, and lifted his own to see his brother looking at him a little impatiently. "Don't get teary-eyed," he said firmly, yanking his hand away. "I'm not dead and I don't plan on dying."

 

Victor just kept smiling at him through the fear that continued to linger in his heart, both for his brother and his mate. He didn't want to allow himself to even ponder the possibility of Yuuri failing to return for whatever reason. When he did, everything in him seemed to just come to a stop, Yuuri's soft voice in his head barely able to make him stir. He held on to the sight of his brother in front of him, and let it ground him in the moment. Reaching up to lightly pinch Yuri's cheek, he told him, "Don't grow up too fast,  _kotik."_

 

* * *

 

Victor and Mari didn't spend the day in the storeroom as Yuri had predicted. No, it was at a place Victor didn't necessarily want to be, but at the same time it wasn't.

 

He stood outside the Nishigori home, quietly observing everything before him as he tried to distract himself from everything going on inside the home. Yuuko and her daughters weren't home, otherwise this may have been a bit more bearable. It was just Takeshi's parents, his father's cough returning with even more force. 

 

It was quite clear that Victor wasn't welcome in the home when Takeshi wasn't around to overrule his father, but it didn't matter. Victor kept his impatience for the man to himself, and let himself only feel pity for poor Mari, trapped inside tending to the man. 

 

Sighing, Victor remembered that he couldn't reach out to Yuuri either. It was still early in the afternoon, and he was likely busy too. 

 

People were walking past, nodding their silent greetings to Victor. It felt like so great a comfort in that moment, and while Victor couldn't say anything concrete to his mate, he merely shared that comfort, if only to aid him in whatever he was doing.

 

It reached the point where he was bouncing one leg, feeling utterly useless as he tried to ignore the grumbling from within. Then, by some miracle, Mari finally emerged, looking absolutely  _finished_ with the whole situation.

 

She stalked away from the house and Victor followed after her, falling into step beside her as she muttered, "Gods, I hate that guy." She turned her dark eyes on him, her sour look softening a bit, and said, "Sorry he gave you such a hard time."

 

"It's alright, I'm used to it by now," Victor replied with an easygoing smile. "Besides, he was being rude to you too. It's sounds like if it were up to him he'd have your poor mother at his beck and call."

 

"Yeah, well, I'm patient, but not as much as my mother," Mari said, looking anything but patient. Her frown slowly faded and she softly added, "Speaking of...how are they?"

 

"Give me a moment," Victor told her, glad to see her smiling in anticipation. He supposed it wouldn't hurt to quickly check in on Yuuri and his mother.

 

_Yuuri? Sweet one? How are you?_

 

He waited a few moments. Then Victor came to a sudden stop as a flood of  _defeat_ filled his mind, devastating and painful.

 

_I lost them._

 

Victor's breath left him in a shaky exhale, the fear in his heart threatening to overflow.

 

_What? Lost who?_

 

_Three. Three people. They just died. I couldn't save them._

 

No more words after that. Just...awful, awful misery that made Victor close his eyes and wish, for the thousandth time, that he could take Yuuri into his arms. "Oh, Yuuri..." he breathed, covering his eyes with his hand.

 

He'd nearly forgotten about Mari beside him, alarm in her voice when she asked, "What? What's wrong?!"

 

Victor swallowed down the painful lump in his throat, replying in a strained voice, "They're alright, it's just...People are still dying." And there was nothing Victor could do to fix it. The uselessness he felt worsened, but he kept his thoughts shielded to protect Yuuri. There was no use in making him feel even worse than he already did.

 

"Oh, Gods," Mari sighed, eyes filling with pain for her brother. "He's never really taken stuff like that well, even if they were Mom's patients." 

 

They walked home in silence after that, Victor wishing the war were over with so Yuuri wouldn't have to go through this anymore. His grief was always so deep, even when he'd never known the person that had died. 

 

When Yuuri returned, Victor swore to never let him go again. They belonged together.

 

Once back home, Victor made his way to Yuri's room, not surprised to see the mess of clothes strewn about. Clicking his tongue, Victor bent down to pick them up. They were all clean too.

 

But not exactly in the best shape. He held one shirt out in front of him, spotting a few rips in the fabric. Well that wouldn't do. Yuri's clothes were all new.

 

That was how he found himself in his and Yuuri's bed with a needle and thread, repairing every rip he found, Yuri's clothes stacked neatly beside him.

 

It was an easy task, but one that kept him distracted and calm. He never quite had his father's knack for gardening, but watching him had the same effect. 

 

And it kept him from curling up in the bed, the blanket draped over him.

 

Then, like some sort of miracle, Yuuri's thoughts filled his mind again.

 

A tension he hadn't even known he'd been holding on to melted off of Victor's body, and he sighed aloud in relief. He was there. He was there, he was  _fine_ and tired and demoralized, thinking that everything smelled coppery like blood.

 

 _It's just your imagination,_ Victor thought firmly, even though he could easily imagine that scent of blood. Sometimes someone was hurt enough that they'd need stitches, and Mari always left those to Victor.

 

 _It's not,_  Yuuri insisted. _It reeks of it here. It gets worse every day. The heat doesn't help._

 

Victor clicked his tongue in sympathy. Yuuri was desperate and thoroughly uncomfortable. He imagined he could actually reach out and he'd find Yuuri, and stroke his skin with the backs of his fingers to bring him some semblance of calm.

 

He supposed they both missed that. Being able to just reach out and find each other. To hold on to each other in the dark of night, waking up in a haphazard tangle of limbs. Once Victor had woken up with his face pressed against Yuuri's lower back, arms wrapped around his thighs.

 

More minutes passed and Victor got back to his work again, Yuuri still present in the back of his mind. His mother was there too, and Victor found himself missing her with such ferocity. 

 

Yuuri sensed it too, confirming it to his mother.

 

 _It's true, though,_ Victor thought as he laughed aloud.

 

Yuuri's mood seemed to have improved a little, and Victor could let himself relax and smile to himself as he kept sewing, moving on to a pair of pants that already had a patch on one knee.

 

 _Still such a kitten_ , Victor thought, shaking his head.

 

Just then Yuri appeared in the doorway, and Victor looked up in surprised. He'd been so absorbed he hadn't even heard his brother, who was looking at him like he hadn't expected to find him in that state. "...Did you seriously sit here all afternoon sewing my pants?"

 

"And your shirts," Victor replied with a dry smile.

 

Yuri shrugged and entered the room, closing the door behind him and walking over to sit down heavily, pulling a newly repaired shirt towards him to scrutinize the stitches. "Minako was surprised you didn't show up." 

 

"Yuuri didn't have an easy day. I wanted to...to be with him," Victor explained, quieting the sigh he wanted to let out.

 

"Yuuko kind of wanted to know how Takeshi was doing." 

 

Victor shut his eyes. Of course she'd wanted news, and Victor was the only way she could actually get it without such a long wait. He'd been so careless he hadn't even thought to go to the dance hall to see her and the girls. "I'll speak to her tomorrow, but he's fine. No one else has died...At least no one from here," he amended, thinking of the two from Hasetsu that had already died.

 

"Okay," Yuri said, and was quiet for a few moments before he hauled himself back up to his feet. He nudged Victor's foot with his and asked roughly, "Are you eating dinner later or what? Do I have to drag you downstairs?"

 

"Yes, I'm coming," Victor replied, mildly surprised that it was nearly time for dinner. He had very little appetite these days, but he couldn't give Yuuri one more thing to worry about.

 

Soon he, Yuri, Mari, and Toshiya were sitting at the table, their forced cheeriness eased by Toshiya's perpetually warm smile.

 

"Well, here we all are," Yuuri's father said as he took his seat, smiling at them all. "I'm glad you're feeling well enough to go to Minako's dance hall, Yuri."

 

"Yuuri definitely meant it when he said you guys heal fast," Mari added with a smirk as she began to eat.

 

Victor, finding that eating was taking quite a bit of effort, barely heard the conversation. Maybe no one addressed him. He wasn't entirely sure. 

 

Hours later and after a brief stay in the hot springs, Victor lay in bed, wide awake and wondering why Yuuri was so quiet when night fell. 

 

He was listening to the restlessness in Yuuri's mind, as though he were still hiding something like he had been back when Victor first met him. He'd been such a mystery, and Victor wanted to know everything he could about him. Why was he on his own? Who had taught him everything he'd known? How did he dance so  _beautifully?_

 

Just how deep were those gorgeous brown eyes?

 

Victor sighed into the darkness of the room, thinking of Yuuri's eyes, bright in sorrow and vivid in passion. 

 

He'd learned so much about Yuuri, more than he'd expected. He never expected to find himself...here.

 

And Yuuri was still going to keep him at arm's length?

 

 _You don't have to hide anything from me, sweet one,_ he poured out into their link, taking the first step.

 

The reply was almost timid, somewhat shamed, but also happy.  _Go to sleep, Victor. I'm fine._

 

_I don't want to leave you. I miss you._

 

_...I miss you too._

 

Victor wanted to cry.

 

* * *

 

No hateful, coughing old men called for Mari the next morning, so it was spent in the storeroom.

 

Hours later Victor had the time to make his way towards Minako's dance hall, but not by foot.

 

Flying still held its own kind of magic, different from running in his wolf shape.

 

Victor hadn't Changed into a wolf since killing that assassin. 

 

He hadn't told Yuuri, but...it was like the old shame had resurfaced, only this time it was well-founded. Victor had killed someone.

 

He still woke up tasting blood sometimes. That started almost immediately after Yuuri left.

 

He pushed those thoughts out as he Changed back into his human shape, schooling his face into a bright smile before he walked through the doors of the hall.

 

He'd watched from the sky as children milled out of the hall, so it was only Minako, Yuri, Yuuko, and her triplets inside, chattering idly. Minako looked up at him and waved him over excitedly. "Victor, there you are! We missed you yesterday!"

 

"I missed you all too," Victor replied, smile widening when Axel, Lutz, and Loop practically climbed over each other to get to him. He crouched in front of them and said, "I have news for you girls. Your Papa's doing just fine, and he misses you all very much."

 

The girls cheered and launched themselves at Victor, who caught them easily and held on to them. He looked over their heads to see Yuuko smiling at him gratefully, tears filling her eyes.

 

Yuri uncrossed his arms and walked over to Victor and the girls, saying in a stern tone, "Good. Everyone's happy. Now these three can show me if they can get through today's dance without messing up."

 

"We  _can_ get through it! Watch!" Axel shouted before leaping out of Victor's arms and towards the dance floor, her sisters following suit.

 

Victor laughed softly and settled next to Yuuko, watching Yuri and Minako direct the girls. He took in the adorable scene, letting it push away his thoughts of war and blood and death. The girls were happy, and they knew their father was fine. Then Yuuko whispered beside him, "Is Yuuri alright too?"

 

The question surprised Victor a bit, and he couldn't help the brief pang of envy he felt. It was more of a leftover feeling from his less than ideal discovery about her relationship with Yuuri, having been under the assumption that Yuuri still had feelings for her. He'd feared being unable to live up to her. It was easy to see why Yuuri had fallen so hard for her.

 

But, first and foremost, she was Yuuri's friend, and she still cared for him even if their lives had gone in different directions. He smiled at her reassuringly and told her, "He's fine. He misses us."

 

Yuuko nodded, accepting his answer. "They'll be home soon," she said, turning her gaze back to her girls, Victor watching her eyes fill with loving devotion for the children as they danced. "And everything's going to go back to normal."

 

"Yes, it will," Victor hoped, turning to watch the girls and his brother.

 

Hours later Victor was alone in his bedroom. The Nishigoris were downstairs with his brother and Mari and Toshiya. He hadn't really worked up any sort of appetite. He was restless, and felt that same aching restlessness from Yuuri.

 

To his surprise, Yuuri reached out to him first.  _I miss you._

 

It felt so earnest Victor's heart hurt.  _I know. I can feel it. Do you want to hear about something happy?_

 

 _Tell me_.

 

 _Minako talked me into teaching her kids a dance,_  he thought, thinking back to two days before when he did go to the dance hall after working with Mari. _You should have seen how sweet they all looked._

 

It had been a good day. Well...as close to a good day as they could get with Yuuri gone.

 

He heard Yuuri's soft laugh in his head.  _"Talked" you into it? Right, because you don't love showing off your skills every chance you get. But you're right, that does sound sweet._

 

_They'll want to show you all once you return._

 

Yuuri wanted to feel optimistic about that. Victor could tell. But even so, Yuuri was feeling on edge because  _nothing_ was happening.

 

 _Ah. No doubt, my light,_  Victor chided, worried that Yuuri would work himself into true desperation.  _We're going to see each other again._

 

He needed to believe it. He couldn't think otherwise.

 

He could see the familiar mountain range through Yuuri's thoughts. Beyond them lay Rutha, and Victor's home. Five days of travel on foot. Victor hid the yearning in his heart. Home. Yuuri was closer to it than Victor was.  _Sorry. Just thinking too much, I suppose,_ Yuuri thought softly.

 

Victor chuckled, because it was true, Yuuri did think too much, even if Victor wasn't exactly privy to every thought. But indeed, Yuuri's thoughts were running away from him, because suddenly he was thinking of his growing hair.

 

 _Soft and thick, I bet. Thicker than mine,_ Victor thought.

 

_Jealous already, Victor?_

 

_Very, my delight._

 

And in that moment they both wanted to touch. Touch. Yuuri missed touch. He missed touching Victor. 

 

And Victor missed touching him.

 

He drew away first, his heart hurting as he did it. 

 

He'd been starved for touch before, but this time felt worse, especially after having a wealth of touch. 

 

Yuuri, so timid and passionate, just as hungry for the most basic contact as Victor.

 

Victor suddenly felt like he had no tether. 

 

He balled his hands into fists, nails digging into his palms. A sharp, grounding pain.  _Just breathe. Just breathe_ , he told himself as he closed his thoughts off. Yuuri didn't have to worry about this too.

 

He was in his room, the room he shared with Yuuri. A bright flame glowed from a wick nearby. The room smelled of...himself and Yuri. Just the two of them. He could smell the trees from outside and feel the cool night's breeze. He could hear Yuri's voice.

 

He held his palm out and watched the crescent moon marks fade in moments. 

 

Scent. Sight. Sensation.  

 

He felt so worn out after going over it all for the sixth or seventh time, and just stopped. Perhaps it wouldn't feel so awful be without a tether. 

 

 _Don't_ , he thought.  _Don't._

 

What would happen if Yuuri found him like this? Victor needed to smile at him, to hold him and give him all the comfort he needed. Then they could go home and live their life. 

 

Neither of them had to be alone again.

 

And maybe one day he would run as a wolf again without being afraid of himself.

 

For now, Victor was glad it wasn't too quiet.

 

He let out a long exhale. Another night alone. More ahead if this war went on any longer.

 

Wonderful.

 

Tentatively, he opened his mind again.

 

 _It's over,_  he suddenly heard in his head, an explosion of emotion that was mostly incredulous delight.

 

It was like someone had thrown a bucket of cold water on him. Victor sat frozen, almost wanting to ask Yuuri to repeat himself.

 

It's over, he'd said, followed by such elation.

 

Victor hadn't mistaken that, had he?

 

He hadn't.

 

The war. It was over. An accidental suicide. A dead king and an army thrown into disarray. 

 

Overwhelming joy left Victor incredibly dazed, and he couldn't help laughing breathlessly as tears stung at his eyes.

 

_So that's it? You're coming back?_

 

_I think. I don't know. No one's said anything official. It's just a rumor right now._

 

_I don't know if I can wait. You're actually coming home!_

 

 _I'm going home,_ Yuuri thought and said aloud, sounding so happy Victor could almost see his wonderful smile.  _I'm going home_.

 

 _Yes, you are,_  Victor thought back adoringly.  _I love you, and I can't wait to see you._

 

He couldn't wait. He wanted the days to just speed past so he could finally _finally_ see Yuuri in person and hold him and kiss him.

 

It was over and Yuuri was  _fine_ , he was alive and safe.

 

Victor couldn't seem to stop crying, and kept wiping at his tears before getting to his feet. Several minutes had already passed, and he had to get himself together quickly because this wasn't just  _his_ news. Yuuri had a father and sister who were worried about him and Hiroko. Yuuko needed to hear that her husband was coming back.

 

He took several deep breaths, caught between soft laughs and sobs. 

 

It almost sounded too good to be true, but there it was. Just a word of confirmation and they'd make the journey home. 

 

But Yuuri was coming back.

 

Deciding he couldn't wait any longer, Victor quickly made his way downstairs his heart beating uncontrollably.

 

He burst into the dining room, and almost immediately each head turned towards him. "It's over," he said in a breathless laugh, and it was suddenly so incredibly real. 

 

Yuri was the first to react, quickly standing up and asking, "What?"

 

"The war!" Victor exclaimed, his mind scrambling for a way to explain it effectively. But all he could say to answer the questions burning in each pair of eyes before him was, "They're coming home." 

 

Then the room erupted in cheers and happy tears, particularly from Yuuko, who was hugging her daughters. Toshiya, amid a triumphant laugh, said, "This is wonderful! We need to celebrate this with a drink!" 

 

Mari wiped a tear from her cheek with a shaky laugh. "Dad, try not to get  _too_ drunk. You get a little too crazy and there  _are_ children around."

 

"I'm  _not_ a kid!" Yuri growled. 

 

"But you're still not drinking, Yura," Victor informed him, beaming as he caught him in a tight hug. For once, Yuri didn't pull away, and Victor felt anchored for the first time in what felt like days.

 

Yuri snorted and gave Victor a dry stare. "Right, because I need to make sure  _you_ don't start stripping your clothes off." 

 

"I only do that when Yuuri's around."

 

" _Don't tell me that!"_

 

Toshiya, already pouring himself a second glass of wine in record time, suddenly said to Yuuko's daughters, "Girls, why don't I break out the sweets for us? What do you say, Yurio?"

 

Shrugging out of Victor's embrace, Yuri went over to Toshiya's side. "Well, since I'm not drinking anything. Lead the way and I'll herd these three," he said with a smirk.

 

The triplets ran ahead of Toshiya, who chuckled throatily as he followed them. Yuri rolled his eyes and went after them.

 

Victor and Mari shared an amused look, the older woman wrapping an arm around Yuuko's shoulder comfortingly. 

 

He sipped his wine slowly, insides filling with warmth. He heard Mari offer Yuuko some, but Yuuko quietly refused it. Maybe Yuri was right and Victor should rein in his drinking. It wasn't as fun without Yuuri or his uninhibited dancing. 

 

He couldn't help laughing as he remembered it, feeling lighter than air as he pictured Yuuri smiling at him so openly, dark eyes sparking with that passion Victor loved so dearly as he drew him in. 

 

Victor wanted that again. 

 

He wanted to feel Yuuri again, to be able to reach his hand out and touch-

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**_VICTOR!_ **

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Victor didn't breathe. He froze and his glass slipped out of his fingers, shattering on the floor.

 

It was a scream, a cry in the dark, hurled out across their link in a whirl of terror and pain and then nothing.

 

Awful, awful silence. Confusing silence. Terrifying silence.

 

Pain, why  _pain?_

 

Still not breathing, Victor pressed a hand on his stomach. Pain. Sharp and cold.

 

_Yuuri?_

 

Silence. Dark and empty.

 

Victor could swear his heart stopped.

 

He flinched and sucked in a breath when he felt a hand on his shoulder, and turned to find Mari looking at him in alarm. "Victor, what is it...?"

 

What could he say? _Could_ he say it? Could he even talk? His breaths were shallow and it was all he could do to focus on Mari's face, so much like Yuuri's. He swallowed and searched for the words as he tried to find Yuuri in his head because he  _had_ to be somewhere, he couldn't just disappear after that, after sounding so terrified as he called out for Victor. 

 

Dazed, Victor finally said in soft tones, "I...I can't feel Yuuri anymore."

 

Mari gasped sharply before seizing him by his other shoulder, practically shaking him as she exclaimed, "What do you mean?!"

 

Victor shook his head, but it just...wouldn't clear his head, not enough to let him look. Even so, the result was just the same. "I can't hear him. I can't find him..." He drew away from Mari and tore his gaze away from her, shutting his eyes and covering his face in his hands. "Yuuri!  _YUURI!"_ he called out, his entire body starting to shake.

 

Nothing. Nothing. 

 

No, this wasn't happening.

 

Not to him, not again.

 

Yuuri said it was over, it was all supposed to be  _fine_.

 

Someone pulled his hands away from his face, and suddenly Yuuko was in front of him, holding his wrists in her hands. She was shaking too, but kept his gaze locked with hers as she asked softly, "Victor, what are you talking about?"

 

Victor kept his eyes on hers, trying to keep himself upright and keep looking, listening for Yuuri's voice. He could say something at any moment and Victor needed to hear it. "He screamed," he said, his voice shaking as he remembered it. Why, _why_ would Yuuri scream like that? "He screamed out my name and he was just gone."

 

"Find him!" Mari exclaimed, tears spilling out of her eyes. "What does it mean if you can't hear him?!"

 

"He...he could be hurt, or..." Victor fell silent, his hand falling back to his stomach.

 

He remembered the pain. Pain and the scream, so desperate and afraid. "No..." 

 

Yuuri couldn't be dead. 

 

And as that thought came into his head, Victor felt like his heart stopped again. 

 

Without a word to the two women in the room, he ran.

 

He ran out of Yuuri's home.

 

He ran, tears blinding him until he was running on all four paws.

 

And he kept running in the only direction he could.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song quoted: **If & When** by Doomtree.
> 
> I KNOW. It's the same cliffhanger! I promise the next one won't take a month again!
> 
> Please comment and yell at me on tumblr: **aeriamamaduck**


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and this is where the cliffhanger ENDS.
> 
> apologies for the wait!

Victor's paws pounded the earth, a familiar sensation.

 

He had no room in his mind to think of how much he missed  _this._

 

Yuuri was hurt, Yuuri needed him, he was in pain and he was gone.

 

_Where are you where are you?_

 

It was all he could think as he ran, searching in his mind and trying to listen for any sign of Yuuri's voice, his presence.

 

Victor had no real clue where he was running. He knew he'd left the village just moments before.

 

Yuuri needed him. Yuuri had called out to him--

 

A ginger blur appeared beside him, running past him impossibly fast until it was right in front of him--

 

And then it was Yuri, standing there and staring him down and yelling, " _VICTOR!"_

 

Shocked, Victor stopped in his tracks and Changed, panting raggedly as his senses overloaded with the world that was actually around him, Yuri a blaze in front of him.

 

Victor couldn't say anything. 

 

What was he doing? Where was he  _going?_

 

"I...I have to..." He couldn't recognize his own voice. He couldn't say what he wanted to do.

 

Yuri gazed at him with his piercing eyes. It wasn't a glare, but it wasn't steady either. He nodded, a shaky motion. 

 

Worried, Victor realized. Yuri was worried. 

 

"Something happened to the pi-- to Yuuri," Yuri said, taking a step forward. His voice shook too, and he swallowed visibly as though trying to keep it steady. "...If you're going to find him, take me with you. Don't leave me behind again."

 

Victor exhaled, his breaths turning shallow as he kept staring at Yuri. 

 

Then it hit him like that arrow had, making him plummet out of the sky.

 

_Tears running down his face unchecked, Victor uttered, "I want so badly to go with you, to make sure you're safe...But I can't leave Yuri."_

 

_Yuuri gazed up at him, dark eyes full of understanding and...pain, a pain that would haunt Victor for months. "I know. I wouldn't ask you to leave him. No matter what he says...he needs you more than I do."_

 

Hard truth erupted in Victor's head, and he could think clearly. He'd promised. He'd promised his parents and he'd promised Yuuri. 

 

Yuri would follow him anyway.

 

And Victor didn't know where he was going. He didn't know what he'd find.

 

All he knew was that Yuuri was hurt.

 

_Suddenly a sob broke out from between Yuuri's lips, and he sank down to his knees as he held on to Victor's hands, begging in a broken voice, "Just go, get away from all of this! I don't know if you'll be safe here! Just take Yuri and go home, please!"_

 

He'd stayed because Yuri was the most important thing. Yuri was due his first thought. Yuuri didn't want Victor to leave Yuri behind, he didn't want them apart again, even if it meant their separation. 

 

Victor sank to his knees, losing his breath, and he barely caught Yuri's flinch. His throat burned with agony, but he couldn't let them go. He still didn't know and maybe he  _wouldn't_ know. 

 

If he wept it would be like acceptance. 

 

Like admitting he'd lost one more person.

 

He didn't want to.

 

Yuri knelt in front of him, still looking so terrified but bold. "Come on," he said. "Let's just go, let's get out of here and go find him!"

 

But Victor was already shaking his head, cursing himself when tears ran down his cheeks even though his eyes were shut tight. "...We can't."

 

"What?!" Yuri exclaimed. "Yeah, we can! We'll make it there faster than they did! It's close to home, right? We'll find him and bring him and his mom home!"

 

His mother. His  _mother._  

 

Victor tried to breathe, but his chest felt so tight. "...We don't know what happened," he said. "And I can't take you to a battlefield, Yuri. I won't."

 

"...You're not leaving me behind."

 

"No, I'm not. I'm not going."

 

He opened his eyes and met Yuri's disbelieving gaze. "Why?" the boy asked, sounding shocked. "Why? You're supposed to just run off to go find him no matter what! That's what you do!"

 

Victor just kept shaking his head, misery flooding through every part of him. "I  _can't_ ," he said, his voice tight. "I'm your brother and I have to take care of you."

 

"No," Yuri growled, clutching Victor's shoulder in an iron grip. "No, you don't get to put this on me. I'm not a kid! Maybe I'm old enough to take care of you too, you stupid idiot!"

 

Victor bit back the sob that wanted to escape his mouth, trying to cling to the normalcy of Yuri snarling at him. Yes, Yuri was older. Old and young enough to thoughtlessly throw himself into whatever danger was in front of him, even if it was just for Victor's sake. Because they were brothers. Because, whatever happened, Yuri had to follow in Victor's footsteps.

 

And, Gods, what kind of life was that?

 

Victor shook his head again, the finality of his own choice weighing him down. "I promised," he repeated, his eyes on the ground underneath, watching his tears drop onto it. "I  _can't_ go." 

 

 _I'm keeping my promise,_ he thought, hanging on to Yuri's forearms and trying to hold himself together. He had to be the strong one. He was  _always_ the strong one. 

 

Whatever Yuri was saying, Victor couldn't hear any of it. He let go of his brother's arms and got to his feet, his mind on only one thing as he turned and walked back in the opposite direction, towards Hasetsu, Yuuri's home.

 

He'd promised too, Victor remembered, still walking in that direction with Yuri on his heels, trying to get his attention. 

 

Yuuri had promised too.

 

That thought led Victor's steps away from the village, to the place that Yuuri took him to as a safe haven, one for him and Yuri. Before everything went wrong so very quickly, before Victor could do anything to prevent it.

 

And Yuri was hurt.

 

And now Yuuri was probably...

 

No. 

 

He wasn't dead.

 

Victor couldn't let himself think it againg.

 

But neither would he go back home.

 

Not without Yuuri.

 

It was Yuuri's home, and Victor couldn't face Mari and Toshiya again. Not without any real answers.

 

Changing was as simple as it was the first time, though Victor didn't run this time. 

 

He had no choice, no other choice even though his heart was trying to pull him another direction, towards that awful silence after Yuuri screamed out his name.

 

 _Why did you scream?_ he asked, his paws touching soft grass and trees began to surround him, familiar and well-known by now.

 

Yuuri had led him through this place with such excitement in his eyes, as though he were giving Victor some great gift that he might never have been able to repay.

 

Victor would have spent the rest of his life trying to.

 

But in that moment, all there was was that beckoning look in Yuuri's eyes and the feeling of his hand around Victor's.

 

Now it was only Victor, with Yuri at his heels, quiet at last.

 

They never reached the clearing, but they were close, Victor collapsing in his wolf form next to a tree, whining softly as he covered his eyes with his paw.

 

He felt Yuri press close to him, his smaller shape shaking hard in the night air.

 

They lay there for what Victor assumed was a long time. He didn't want to Change back, or else he would have led Yuri back to a bed. He wanted to lie there and hope, pray that Yuuri would appear and and tell them both to get up and follow him back to the inn. 

 

When Victor heard the rustle of leaves and grass, he could almost fool himself into thinking just that.

 

But the scent was different. Familiar, but not Yuuri's.

 

He kept his paw over his eyes, not minding that Yuri moved beside him, making a soft noise at the person's approach.  

 

He knew that scent, could smell the trepidation. It wasn't Mari, but...

 

He heard soft human breaths nearby, agitated but calmer than he was feeling. "I didn't know if I'd find you here, but I had to try," he heard Yuuko say, her soft voice somehow steady. "I know it's you, Victor. It sort of fits that you're a silver wolf. And Yurio gives it away too."

 

Despite her words, there was very little humor in her voice.

 

Even so, Victor held on to the sound of it. She was an anchor, someone familiar and part of Yuuri's world. 

 

He finally uncovered his eyes, gazing at her in the darkness. She was staring back at him unflinchingly, as though she conversed with wolves every single day.

 

Her hands were tight fists at her sides, but she still took one step towards him, her eyes betraying relief at Victor's lack of movement. "I...want to ask if you know anything about my husband, but..." She sighed, the sound heavy with the same agony Victor was feeling. "That's awful. You...you ran for a reason, there's always a reason." 

 

Finally relenting, Yuuko made her way over to Victor's side, her breaths shaking with soft sobs as she sank to the ground beside him, leaning against the tree. 

 

Victor watched her chest rise and fall with trembling breaths, her eyes staring ahead and tears shining on her cheeks as he hugged her knees close. "It'll be okay," she said, almost an automatic thing, just like her hand settling on the space between Victor's ears, mindlessly stroking. He closed his eyes at the sensation, still trying to search and listen for some sign of Yuuri.

 

_Where are you_

 

_Answer me_

 

_Where are you_

 

_Are you safe_

 

_Are you alive_

 

 

Somehow, he and Yuri found themselves back home.

 

Had Mari spoken to him?

 

Had Toshiya stared at him silently, expecting answers?

 

Did Yuuko even take her girls home?

 

Victor lay on his side, staring into the darkness and feeling Yuri wrapped around him, his cheek pressed in the space between his shoulder blades. 

 

And Victor just kept going, eyes wide open as he called out into that silence, hoping for a reply. 

 

 

 

 

_Tell me that you're alive_

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

_Yuuri_

 

* * *

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

He'd screamed.

 

That was the last thing that Yuuri remembered doing.

 

But was it aloud or had he only imagined it?

 

And something else happened just before that.

 

Black darkness gave way to something familiar, like waking up in the morning.

 

Only Yuuri had  _never_ woken up in such  _pain._

 

It was enough to push him back into blessed oblivion.

 

Almost.

 

Something nagged at...not the back of his mind, not quite. Almost at his chest, like something was tugging him forward and away from the darkness he'd unconsciously sought refuge in.

 

Ketty. He remembered Ketty and her scream. She'd been in trouble and Yuuri stepped in.

 

That was when Yuuri remembered the other man, and dark, hateful eyes, aimed right at him along with the cold, sharp steel of a dagger.

 

And moments later that dagger was inside him, practically tearing him in two.

 

That was...painful, to say the least.

 

Then Yuuri couldn't stay on his feet, barely holding on to the sound of every voice that surrounded him. Ketty's. Takeshi's.

 

Screams erupting in the camp around him, sounding like they were muffled by several layers of thick fabric.

 

Brow wrinkling in discomfort as sensation returned, Yuuri started to open his eyes, and they immediately protested against the brightness.

 

It was almost familiar.

 

Like waking up after a night of dangerous cold, with a wolf practically wrapped around him.

 

One blink. Then shutting his eyes for a long moment. 

 

Another two blinks. Adjustment. 

 

Then he held his eyes open for several moments, and it felt like such an enormous effort.

 

A tent. He was in a tent. One of the healing tents.

 

Yuuri's first instinct was to move, to quickly get up and move because there was no good reason for him to lie as still as he was. 

 

He swallowed, his throat unbearably dry, and blinked one more time against the brightness, feeling each one of his heart's beats and listening to the nearly silent murmuring around him. 

 

"What happened?" he asked, and immediately realized how quiet he sounded. Maybe no one heard him, whoever they were.

 

And then Minami's face appeared above him, the shadows beneath his eyes incredibly prominent even as he beamed down at him and yelled, "He's awake!"

 

Yuuri flinched at the volume of the boy's voice but went still when his mother's face appeared next to his. "Oh!" she exclaimed, her eyes bright with tears, a sight that shocked Yuuri into continued silence. "Oh, thank the Gods!" She cried breathlessly, reaching up to drag her fingers through Yuuri's hair. "Oh, my boy..."

 

He kept his gaze on her, caught off-guard by the tears making her way down her plump cheeks. He started to remember exactly what it was that landed him here; he'd been stabbed. Someone had been trying to kill Ketty.

 

And Yuuri killed him. That memory raced through his head, his heart jerking in his chest as he remembered pushing the blade through cloth, flesh, and muscle.

 

He'd pulled it out as pain burned through the very core of him, and blood poured out of both of them.

 

"What happened?" he asked again, trying to speak a little louder. His throat was in agony.

 

His mother and Minami still hovered above him, but Yuuri spotted the top of Christophe's head between them, and tried to lift his head. He groaned and his mother gasped sharply, and he lay his head back on the pillow. He wouldn't try that again. Christophe helped him by moving to Minami's side, his eyes tired and uncharacteristically grave. "You were stabbed last night, Yuuri. It's just after dawn, now." He took a deep breath and exchanged a brief glance with Minami, adding, "Everything we heard was true; the king killed himself and his generals followed suit. All but one."

 

Yuuri's eyes widened and his throat went drier than it already was. Christophe went on as a haunted look appeared in his eyes, "He got desperate and kept every person that hadn't committed suicide alive until he planned this attack. It was easy enough to cross a battlefield in the night and masquerade as healers. But their numbers were blessedly few, and we...dealt with them as soon as we realized what was happening. Otabek got a group of soldiers together and led them to the Kazian camp, and they took that general's head."

 

And even so there would have been mass confusion. Yuuri remembered the young man from last night. The one he'd killed. Yuuri hadn't even suspected anything, and then it was almost too late.

 

Swallowing through the ache in his throat, he asked hoarsely, "Did anyone else get hurt?" His stomach tightened painfully, and he couldn't help sucking in another breath and weakly clutching the blanket.

 

His mother shook her head, grief and shame clouding her features, and Yuuri felt a flare of alarm. "...Some of the wounded and a few healers were..."

 

Yuuri sighed and closed his eyes. He remembered his relief the evening prior, thinking that everyone who'd managed to make it through the war would finally see their homes again. And now, in some cruel, last-ditch effort from the Kazians, some of them would never go home. "J.J.? Isabella?" he asked.

 

"Both alive, thankfully. Along with that young lady you saved," Christophe replied, the hard look on his face softening with an impressed smile.

 

Yuuri returned it, his gaze drawn to Minami when he heard a sniffle from the boy. Minami's eyes were tearful, and he sniffled once more as he whimpered, "I thought we were going to lose you, Yuuri! You were...losing so much blood!"

 

"Yeah, I...I got that," Yuuri said with a tired smile, lifting his hand to lay it comfortingly on Minami's arm. He peered down to scan around the tent, lifting his head slightly. "Otabek and Takeshi?"

 

"Speaking with our war leaders. This has turned out to be quite the hollow victory," Christophe replied with a bitter look.

 

Yuuri sighed in relief, and turned to meet his mother's gaze. She still looked so defeated, worse than anytime she lost a patient. "Mom?" he asked softly, trying to draw her gaze.

 

Then, out of the corner of his eye, he saw Christophe start to draw Minami away, saying cheerily, "Come on, Minami. Let's go check on everyone else. They'll want to hear that Yuuri's alright."

 

Minami nodded tearfully, letting Christophe lead him out of the tent.

 

Yuuri closed his eyes again. The only thing staving off the total silence was his mother's shaky breathing. Swallowing again, he repeated in a stronger voice, "Mom."

 

She let out a trembling sob, and Yuuri, alarmed, looked at her in surprise. She covered her mouth with a hand, shoulders shaking violently as she got her sobs under control, and said quietly, "I was scared. I was so scared. I didn't know...what I was going to do, everything was happening so fast and they told me you were hurt, you were  _bleeding_ and..." 

 

"Mom, I'm okay," he told her, feeling anything but. He was used to being on the other side of this situation, in control of everything and doing all he could to keep the patient breathing. Not only was he recovering in a bed, but...he'd almost died.

 

He shut his eyes again, his racing heart making him feel light-headed as he remembered realizing what that assassin had done to him, and what he'd done to him too. 

 

He hadn't hesitated.

 

Mari had always warned him not to when she taught him to defend himself, and she might have been proud of him, if...he hadn't been stabbed anyway.

 

Yuuri might have faded into that darkness and never opened his eyes again.

 

When he did open his eyes again he caught sight of his mother shaking her head and wiping at her face. "Gods, but...what if I'd lost you, Yuuri?"

 

He couldn't answer that. The reminder was still so...terrifying, even if he was still too weak to actually feel terrified.

 

He barely knew Ketty, and yet he finally, truly understood how Victor's first instinct was to do everything he could to protect Yurio. 

 

How many in the camp would that assassin have harmed if Yuuri hadn't turned back and gone into the tent?

 

Was he about to wish he hadn't tried to save Ketty? 

 

No, he couldn't. As much as his conscience pricked at him, Yuuri couldn't regret saving at least one person.

 

He just wished his head didn't  _hurt_ so much. It wasn't like any regular headache, more like...something other than his conscience was prodding at his mind. 

 

Wiping the last of her tears away, his mother gazed down at him with a grateful smile, stroking his hair again. "You're safe now. You're going to be fine and we're all going home soon."

 

Home.

 

Gods, it was like a morning after a deep, comfortable sleep when Yuuri was still too dazed to properly register the fact that there was someone else in his head, calling his name.

 

It usually sounded playful enough that Yuuri couldn't help but  _want_ to get up and find the source of it, knowing he'd find Victor smiling.

 

Yuuri reached out in his mind, and the onslaught of _pain_ , beyond physical, struck him like a blow, taking his breath away. "Victor," he breathed out, horrified.

 

"He's...at home, Yuuri," his mother reminded him, looking worried.

 

"No," he said with a frantic shake of his head. "I remember, I...I called out. To him." 

 

Victor's name was his last thought. A scream through their bond as Yuuri fell unconscious.

 

Remorse flooded through him. Had Victor heard it?

 

And if he had, how had he reacted?

 

Reaching further out, his throat grew tight at the soft sound of his name.

 

Empty-sounding.

 

Exhausted.

 

Yuuri was so tired, but even so he sent out a thought through the bond, hoping it would reach where it needed to go.

 

He only hoped it wasn't too late.

 

_Victor?_

 

* * *

 

 

 

_Victor?_

 

Victor gasped softly and sat up quickly.

 

The sun was rising and the room was cold, the window having stayed open throughout the night.

 

Yuri hadn't seemed to mind it, or else he would have shut the window.

 

Victor glanced at him as his heart raced, seeing his little brother press his face into the leftover warmth on his side of the bed. 

 

It had to be a dream. Maybe he'd just given in to sleep despite his need to stay awake and wait for a reply, for a sign that Yuuri was  _still_ on the other side of their bond.

 

Was that it?

 

Or was it a result of Victor's exhaustion? Just wishful thinking because he  _couldn't_ think of the alternative?

 

His heart hammering into his ribs, Victor took several shaky breaths and gazed at the wall ahead, reaching out tentatively as though afraid of what he would or wouldn't find.

 

He was met with concern, warmth, and an almost muted pain that Victor managed to feel in his bones, along with yet another layer of exhaustion. 

 

"...Is that you?" he asked quietly, chest rapidly moving up and down as he dared, for the first time in hours, to hope that he'd finally have an answer.

 

_It's me._

 

 

Victor covered his mouth in time to muffle to sob that escaped him. 

 

But that did nothing to silence the horror he'd been feeling ever since hearing Yuuri's scream, manifesting in his thoughts and racing through their link.

 

He could  _feel_ Yuuri wince apologetically, his thoughts choked with anguished remorse as he reached back towards Victor, bathing him in even more warmth and reassurance even as Victor sensed all the leftover fear.

 

 

 

_Oh. Oh, Victor, I'm sorry._

 

Victor just sobbed into his hand, gratitude pushing everything else away. Yuuri was alive, he was  _alive_ and all Victor wanted was to close the distance between them so he could hold him and never let go again.

 

_I heard you. I heard you scream and I felt the pain._

 

Yuuri's shame kept burning through the bond, but Victor kept rejecting it with frantic shakes of his head. Then Yuuri finally sent several thoughts and memories in succession, disjointed and oddly out of focus, as though Yuuri couldn't focus on one thing at a time, like he was drunk or exhausted.

 

Otabek on the other side of a table.

 

Walking by healing tents and past.

 

There.

 

In sharp, awful focus.

 

A man in a healer's clothes, his gaze captured by Yuuri's, dark with murderous intent.

 

That same man attacking a girl in her bed, raising a dagger to bring it down and sink it into her body.

 

Yuuri pulling him away.

 

Yuuri taking his own dagger out of its sheath, the same one Victor had seen him use hundreds of times for some other harmless purpose.

 

Fear and fury, mixed up and at once meaningless, as Victor watched the man run  _towards_ Yuuri.

 

And then that sharp pain, muted by the shock of Yuuri holding the dagger sticking out of the man's neck.

 

Looking down and finding another dagger in his own abdomen.

 

Victor growled into his palm, pulling away from the vivid memory. Whoever that man was, it was good he was dead, or else Victor would have forgotten guilt and duty and hunted him down to sink his own fangs into his throat.

 

One last desperate sneak attack that claimed even more lives, and Yuuri was almost among them. But he, his mother, and their friends were still alive. 

 

Relief and anger raced through Victor's veins. Everyone responsible for the attack was dead, and Yuuri was alive, but Victor felt even more powerless for not being there in the first place.

 

_The only good thing to come out of this whole mess was that the war's basically over. We're going home soon._

 

 _I'm glad you killed him,_ he thought, trying to keep the violence in his heart out of it.  _Are you alright now?_

 

_I will be. Mom saved me._

 

Victor sighed heavily in relief, covering his face with his hands and letting himself sob quietly.

 

_Victor, please don't cry._

 

_I can't help it. I thought I lost you. I couldn't hear you and I couldn't find you._

 

And just then he could almost feel Yuuri fade, and alarm surged through him.

 

_I'm okay, Victor. I'm just so tired._

 

Oh, and he did sound it. Victor laughed shakily and tried to send more soothing thoughts. The quiet would be...unbearable, but it was only because Yuuri needed rest. He needed to recover because he'd lost  _so much blood_.

 

_Rest, my love. Please rest._

 

_I love you, Victor._

 

He wrapped his arms around himself, wishing he could kiss the other man and hold him while he slept.

 

_I love you too._

 

He kept his mind where it was until he felt Yuuri's thoughts quiet in a much less violent fashion as the night before.

 

Victor immediately wanted him back but he restrained himself from waking Yuuri up with another scream into his head. The sooner Yuuri recovered the sooner he could come home.

 

He turned around to look down at Yuri again, still asleep.

 

Meanwhile Victor was practically vibrating with anxious energy.

 

He had to tell Mari and Toshiya.

 

He had to find Yuuko and tell her that Yuuri and Takeshi were safe.

 

But Victor gave in to the enormous need to grab Yuri and crush him against him, burying his face in golden hair.

 

Yuri predictably snarled in displeasure before stiffening in Victor's grip. He managed to push at Victor's chest, shoving him away enough to look up at him in alarm, all signs of sleep gone. "Is he-"

 

"He's alive," Victor said, smiling shakily through the insistent ache in his throat. "He's alive. They're all alright."

 

Relaxing slightly, Yuri gazed at Victor for a few moments before resting his forehead on Victor's shoulder, his own sagging in relief. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please comment and yell at me on tumblr: **aeriamamaduck**
> 
> Next update: _as schoolboys from their books_


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for the wait, friends. Other WIPs came calling and I GOT A JOB!!

Yuuri stared at the tiny wrinkle between his mother's brows, and then followed her gaze down to the stitched-up wound glaring up at them both.

 

At first he purposefully tried to keep that ugly sight away from Victor, especially in the days after the attack, but stubborn man that he was Victor insisted on seeing the wound for himself.

 

And when Yuuri finally allowed him that glimpse, there was a moment where he felt them both simultaneously brace for the sight of it, and then Yuuri felt a sudden rush of horror and pain. Victor reached out again, like he wanted to touch Yuuri himself and make sure he really was alright.

 

 _I'm fine,_ he kept repeating over and over.  _I'm fine, I swear._

 

 _I know that,_ Victor replied, sounding brittle.  _I just hate that you're..._

 

And it had been that way for so many days. Victor was a near constant presence in his head, the closest he could be to actually being at Yuuri's side. 

 

It felt good, and Yuuri knew he was holding on to Victor with all his might. He knew that if they were in the same room they would be in each other's arms, completely wrapped up in each other.

 

"You surprise me, Yuuri," he heard his mother say. He looked up to find her looking at him with a tender smile on her face, that now-familiar undercurrent of worry filling her eyes. "Most patients would start complaining of boredom by now."

 

Yuuri gave her a half smile and lay back on his pillows. He was partly upright, propped up enough that he wasn't on his back. "Victor's good at helping me avoid boredom," he confessed, Victor's amusement prodding at his mind.

 

His mother laughed softly, though he could sense her exhaustion. He wasn't her only patient, he knew. "How are you feeling?" she asked, lowering his shirt and covering the wound again before covering him with the blanket. 

 

"Still a little weak," he told her, hiding his frustration from her (but not from Victor).

 

"Well that's to be expected. You've been abed for nearly a fortnight," his mother reminded him in reasonable tones. A troubled look crossed her face at the reminder.

 

Yuuri bit his lip guiltily and glanced at the dagger belt lying on the stool next to him, within reach. He couldn't help wanting it near, just in case. He sighed and said almost to himself and Victor, "I need to get stronger. It takes weeks for these wounds to heal, and I need to be able to make the journey home...without slowing us down."

 

He could feel his mother's gaze on him, and looked up to meet it. She too sighed and gave him a sympathetic look. "Maybe I spoke too soon. Yuuri, I know it's hard for a healer to accept their own limitations, but you were stabbed."

 

She shuddered visibly and Yuuri was shocked at the sight of her horror, of the deepening lines on her face. He felt an agreeing pulse from Victor, tinged with his own agony. His mother shook her head and added, "I hate reminding myself of it, but that's what happened, and you were lucky enough that there's no lasting damage." She looked at him steadily, reaching out to cover his hand with hers. "However long it takes us to get home, what matters is that we  _will_ go home."

 

He'd missed that certainty of hers in his lonely years, the one that made him believe everything would turn out fine. That things would be as she said.

 

"...I just don't want to keep him waiting," he admitted to her, his thoughts curling around Victor's presence as the latter voiced a gentle denial. He added quietly, "At this rate it's one more winter Victor has to spend away from his home."

 

"I know," his mother said in understanding. 

 

 _It doesn't matter,_ Victor said.  _I'll wait as long as I have to. I'm not leaving you._

 

 _I know, Victor._ Yuuri sighed and lay back, quietly urging his wound to heal quickly. 

 

He tensed at the sound of movement outside the tent, but then heard a familiar voice ask, "May I come in?"

 

Relaxing, Yuuro smiled and called out, "Yeah, come in, Otabek!"

 

The young man entered the tent, looking exhausted. Otabek took the attack hard, and had poured himself into moving the peace talks forward. He sat on the stool next to Yuuri's cot, exhaling tiredly, then Hiroko asked, "How are the peace talks going, Otabek?"

 

"Progressing faster than expected," he replied, giving her a tired smile. "The princess-that is, the new queen-is desperate to move on from the scandal of her father's death, but I doubt she can keep things in Kaziah from changing. The royal family is as human as we are."

 

Most of the camp wanted to catch a glimpse of the new queen, but Yuuri only cared about hearing that the war was ending. "So the queen's willing to make reparations?"

 

"She is," Otabek told him, his brow deeply furrowed in a way that told Yuuri that he wasn't completely convinced. "Queen Roza is not her father, but...she was the king's only living child, and they were close. I know she's capable of leading Kaziah through all these changes, but I worry."

 

Yuuri worried too, even though he wanted to just forget about this whole mess and go home. He'd done what he'd set out to do, and seen it through to the end. His mother, wringing her hands on her lap, asked quietly, "What about your companions, Otabek?"

 

The other spies. Yuuri wanted to know too.

 

Otabek met their gazes and said, "Even if they were still out there, they would have taken their own lives as soon as they heard the king was dead."

 

Grief flickered through his eyes, and while Yuuri hated the spies for hurting Yurio, he couldn't begrudge Otabek's feeling of loss. "I'm sorry, Otabek."

 

"So am I," Otabek replied, looking utterly defeated. He was quiet for a few moments before looking up at Yuuri with a smirk. "You should know that Ketty and Minami won't stop spreading word of your bravery around the camp."

 

"Oh, gods, no," Yuuri said with building dread. 

 

"You're quite the celebrity," Otabek added.

 

"Celebrity or not, I will not have my son disturbed," Hiroko tutted. 

 

"Don't worry. There's still some respect for the privacy of the healing tents," Otabek said, clearly finding the entire situation amusing. "Though I could swear that Ketty may have developed a bit of a crush on you."

 

" _What!?"_ Yuuri exclaimed, sitting up and flinching when pain lanced through him.

 

"Yuuri, your wound!" his mother scolded.

 

_Ketty has a what now?_

 

"This is not the time to be jealous!" Yuuri shouted, clutching the blanket over him with a groan.

 

"What?" Otabek asked, looking confused and worried.

 

Yuuri shook his head as the pain abated. "Sorry, I...I was talking to Victor," he explained with a slight blush. "By the way, he says that Yuuko sends her love."

 

"Takeshi will be glad to hear it," Otabek said, pleased. 

 

Yuuri hadn't been surprised by Yuuko breaking the silence between her and her husband after the attack, but what did surprise him and Takeshi was the news that she was expecting another child.

 

Takeshi wept openly at the news, Yuuri awkwardly patting his shoulder the whole time.

 

* * *

 

Victor felt caught between two extremes, even as he sat in the most peaceful place he knew. He quietly dreaded the future, and not knowing just what it would bring, but wanted the days to pass as quickly as they could so he could finally have Yuuri back.

 

He could just sense the changing of the seasons in the clearing, listening to the dry crackle of leaves in the wind. 

 

A year ago he was restless, wanting so badly to escape the confines of his village and find whatever called for him beyond them. 

 

Yakov always warned him of the dangers of behaving like a lone wolf. Ironic that Victor had learned not to feel lonely in his wolf form. He'd thought himself so untouchable, and then he felt Yuuri's gentle, clumsy, curious touch on his fur. 

 

The memory made it all almost feel right again, and Victor woke up before dawn needing to hunt again, to run and feel the bite of the cold through his fur. 

 

It was nothing compared to Yuuri's warm, loving touch. But it was something.

 

Even after taking his catch back home Victor still felt restless and just kept running until he found himself in the clearing. It left him with far too much time to think and remember, but at the same time he found a sort of comfort in his memories, of a less lonelier time when he had parents and awaited the future with genuine optimism, especially when he found out he'd soon have a sibling.

 

A year ago he wasn't exactly looking forward to anything or anyone specific. Victor couldn't have known Yuuri was out there, suffering alone.

 

 _I'm never alone,_ Victor heard in his head, and he couldn't help but smile as he leaned back against the tree trunk he sat against.  _Not anymore, Victor._

 

 _Sweet love,_ he responded, bowing his head and wistfully wrapping his arms around himself. Destiny had perhaps led him to Yuuri, in the path of that hunter's arrow.

 

Whatever led to it, in the end, Victor was just grateful it had happened. 

 

He remained in the back of Yuuri's head, a quiet witness to his mate's point of view. The wound, the one that had caused Victor such agony and self-loathing the first time Yuuri allowed him to see it, had healed considerably over the past eight weeks, and Yuuri was steadily regaining his strength. 

 

Soon he, his mother, and the surviving recruits from Hasetsu would make the journey back.

 

 _Did you finish what you set out to do?_ Victor had asked one night, almost fearing the answer.

 

And then Yuuri said,  _I think I have. What I do know for sure is that I never want to be away from you like this again._

 

Victor had wept quietly until he fell asleep.

 

Keeping his eyes closed as he continued his silent communion with Yuuri, Victor started in surprise when the wind carried Yuri's scent toward him.

 

But there was something else. Sour fear and...a remarkably rapid heartbeat that Victor knew quite well. Prey heartbeat.

 

 _No. Not prey,_ he thought, getting to his feet and watching the trees and bushes as he listened to the rustling within, of something other than human approaching.

 

When he finally did see it, Victor's jaw dropped.

 

Likely feeling his shock through their bond, Yuuri quickly asked,  _Victor, what is it?_

 

Speechless, Victor just let Yuuri see through his eyes.

 

It was a deer, young antlers sprouting out of his delicate head and a fading pattern of pale spots going down the length of his back. 

 

_...Victor, is that-_

 

"Yuri," Victor breathed, gazing at his brother's skittish shape as he slowly moved through the bushes, still so unused to his body. 

 

Victor had discovered his wolf form quite young, practically experiencing puppyhood as his parents, already so graceful in their deer forms, guided him through it, his father undoubtedly far more patient.

 

The first time he'd Changed into a wolf he was so overwhelmingly delighted he quite literally couldn't contain himself, running and making as much noise as possible while his poor father ran himself ragged keeping up with him.

 

Once again it reminded Victor of everything Yuri had missed.

 

He kept looking at Yuri, a soft laugh escaping him as he took in that familiar, grumpy look in those dark eyes. "Look, at you, Yura," he said, smiling as he remembered his parents with a sweet ache in his heart. "You look so adorable!"

 

In an instant Yuri himself was in front of him, regaining his footing and baring his teeth impatiently. "...That's the fucking opposite of a wolf."

 

"I know," Victor said, beaming at his brother even though he could hear his teeth grinding. "But a deer's antlers can be just as dangerous!"

 

"Great," Yuri spat, his anger slowly fading into grudging acceptance, though his shoulders fell with frustrated dismay. "I waited this long and I'm just one more deer."

 

Victor laughed again before wrapping Yuri up in his arms, giving him a squeeze until he felt some more of that wretched tension go away. "I bet they're proud of you," he said in soft tones, patting Yuri's hair. "And I'm going to teach you everything I know from watching them."

 

He didn't need to say who he was talking about.

 

Yuri didn't respond to that, silent for a few moments before muttering, "...I'm starving."

 

"Why don't you eat some grass?"

 

And then Yuri punched him on the arm.

 

 _You kind of deserved that,_ Yuuri let him know, sounding amused.

 

* * *

 

Christophe went home first, longing for Eduard and the safety of their home.

 

He left as soon as peace was declared, bearing greetings for his husband and Phichit from Yuuri, along with a promise from Yuuri to visit with Victor.

 

He'd hugged Yuuri for a long time, quietly saying, "Try to keep safe, will you? No more scares."

 

"...I promise," Yuuri had replied as he hugged him back before watching him leave with other soldiers who looked more haunted than they had when they first arrived in the front.

 

Slowly but surely the camp was being dismantled, and Yuuri figured his group would be among the last to leave, and Otabek would be joining them. He tried not to focus on the probability that it was because they were waiting on his recovery.

 

As the days passed and got colder, Yuuri had people asking after his well-being more than once a day, and it was still such a shock.

 

More so the fact that he knew precisely why Ketty kept blushing whenever their paths crossed. 

 

He wasn't used to this, even after having ample enough evidence that  _he_ could make a person's heart beat faster. 

 

Standing at the edges of the camp, Yuuri stared out at what was once a violent battlefield, and then moved his gaze towards the blurry mountains he would one day cross through with Victor.

 

Takeshi stood beside him, arms crossed tightly over his chest as he looked out towards that same battlefield. "Quite a sight, huh? Really different."

 

"Yeah," Yuuri replied. It all looked so quiet and empty, even though so many had died there, soaking the earth with blood. 

 

His own blood had touched that same earth, even if it wasn't on the battlefield itself. He instinctively touched the healed wound, a burst of raised flesh that looked nothing like it had all those weeks ago.

 

But the nightmares made it feel like it had happened only yesterday.

 

Yuuri shut his eyes and gave his head a little shake, dispelling those thoughts before Victor could take notice of them. 

 

He probably would, eventually. He always did.

 

And Yuuri didn't want to shut him out anyway. 

 

"Excited to see everyone again?" he asked Takeshi, turning his thoughts towards their home. 

 

He heard Takeshi let out a shaky laugh. "Yeah...And the gods know I'm never pulling a stunt like this again. I'll be lucky if Yuuko talks to me before she has the baby!"

 

Yuuri rolled his eyes at that and said, "Victor says she's just as eager to see you again too. She might hit you, but she'll definitely talk to you." 

 

Takeshi laughed again, his smile warm and much too contagious. He then turned and regarded Yuuri with a long look and said, "...It's good to have you back, Yuuri."

 

Ah. One more thing he'd missed, even if it was rather unexpected after so many years of childish rivalry. Despite it all, Takeshi was one more person at his back. 

 

Knowing it was a comfort.

 

He answered Takeshi's smile with his own, and they turned their gazes back to the field they'd leave behind.

 

Later on Yuuri was making his way towards his and his mother's tent on his own, his nerves an odd mix of exhaustion and anticipation. A year ago he wouldn't have expected to need and want to be with someone as much as he wanted to be with Victor. 

 

He never wanted to be away from him like this again. If Victor wanted to smother him in kisses Yuuri would gladly let him. While he'd never been alone in all these months away from Hasetsu, he was  _starved_ for Victor's touch. 

 

He wanted to see him again, to be able to trail his fingers through thick, silver hair whenever he wanted. 

 

And to actually hear Victor laugh and kiss his smiling mouth.

 

Yuuri lost himself in those thoughts to the point where he almost ran right into Ketty.

 

He froze in his tracks just as she did, and was shocked by her vivid blush as she stared at him. "Yuuri!" She then smiled with a relieved sigh and said, "I'm so glad I ran into you!" 

 

"Ketty," he mumbled, not quite sure what to say to her. She'd thanked him profusely in the days of his recovery, leaving him slightly overwhelmed. He hadn't thought twice about saving her that night, and knowing that someone felt some manner of obligation to him was...a bit uncomfortable. "Is anything wrong?"

 

"No. No, nothing's wrong, it's just..." She averted her gaze, her cheeks bright with color, and waited a moment before saying, "I just...I wanted to say that..."

 

"Ketty, you don't owe me a thing," he told her firmly. "You were in danger, and-"

 

"But you almost died!" she exclaimed, clasping her trembling hands together. The vehemence of her tone caught Yuuri off-guard, and she added almost tearfully, "If you had I probably wouldn't have been able to live with myself...Especially knowing that you had someone waiting for you at home."

 

He nearly stopped breathing. "...How did you...?"

 

Her flush deepened and she said quietly, "...That night...after the healers saved you...Takeshi asked Otabek what Victor would do if he knew you got hurt. I asked who Victor was, and Otabek said he was your husband."

 

"Did they say anything else?" Yuuri asked, trying to keep the fearful edge from his voice. 

 

"No. Only that," Ketty said. She then smiled at him gently and added, "The way I see it, Victor's a lucky man."

 

 _I'm the one who's lucky,_ Yuuri thought, his own blush warming his cheeks. 

 

"I know you're leaving in a few days, and..." She paused before sighing heavily and suddenly wrapping her arms around him in a tight hug. Yuuri, surprised, suddenly had no clue what to do with his arms. "Thank you," she whispered. "Thank you so much."

 

She suddenly let him go and, after giving him a watery smile, turned and rapidly walked away.

 

Yuuri stared after her, flabbergasted.

 

But that was quickly replaced by the pained longing he felt through his bond with Victor. 

 

_I want to hold you, Yuuri._

 

Sighing as he watched Ketty disappear among the remaining tents, Yuuri soothed Victor by saying, "...I want to hold you too."

 

The tent was empty when he finally made his way inside, and he sat on the edge of his cot and stared down at himself.

 

He took another deep breath before lifting up his shirt, and looked at the scar left on the right side of his abdomen. A slight slice to his liver. Slow travel time. No heavy lifting.

 

As he touched the scar he felt love pouring through the bond, and let it keep the dark thoughts away.

 

_You're fine. You're safe._

 

It may have been his own thoughts or Victor's.

 

But he repeated it, watching his chest rise and fall with every breath he took.

 

_Victor..._

 

_I'm here. I'm here and I'm waiting. I'll wait forever._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> next up: making it home


	4. Chapter 4

It felt like a longer trip, going back home.

 

Months ago Yuuri had gone to war with dread in his heart, and much too quickly they were in that battlefield, and Yuuri could find no rest nor a moment of peace save for those precious minutes after Otabek first told them that the old king was dead.

 

What seemed to have made this journey seem longer included Yuuri's wound, though it was essentially healed. His mother had taken no chances, and to Yuuri's chagrin the rest of their little group waited with them.

 

They were patient, understanding, and Yuuri hated himself for causing even more delays. And so Victor's voice was a constant in his head, admonishing and encouraging him as he regained his strength and could travel more.

 

But the nightmares.

 

They didn't come every night, which was something Yuuri was grateful for. 

 

 _Tomorrow_ , Victor hoped.

 

Yuuri couldn't resist smiling as he gazed at the fire they'd set up their tents around. His mother was asleep in their tent, and it was just him and Otabek sitting by the fire in silence.

 

 _Tomorrow_ , he promised.

 

Victor's joy felt like the sun's warmth.

 

"It's strange," Yuuri heard Otabek say, drawing his attention to him. "You mean for Hasetsu to be my home, but..." Otabek gave the fire an uncertain gaze. "I don't know if I ever had such a thing. I was taken as a small child, and have no real memory of anything that may have been my home."

 

Sympathy bloomed in Yuuri's heart as he listened to Otabek. It was one thing to abandon one's home, but to be torn from it when one was helpless to stop it? It was painful to even think of. "It may take time," Yuuri said to him quietly. "I stayed away from home for years, and while I was happy to be back, part of me still felt like I didn't belong."

 

"But your family helped," Otabek said observantly.

 

"They did," Yuuri replied. "And they can help you too. You already know my family has a habit of taking in strays."

 

He could just imagine Victor pouting at being called a "stray" while he and Otabek shared a laugh.

 

When they both finally decided to turn in, Yuuri settled into his pallet, excitement and a strange sort of trepidation filling him up as he thought of reuniting with Victor tomorrow. They were so close. A few hours of walking and he might have been able to surprise Victor while he was sleeping.

 

Yuuri could just feel his thoughts fading off with exhaustion, their minds hanging on as though Victor was fighting to hold on to Yuuri's hand even as sleep claimed him. 

 

And once it did, Yuuri could feel it. Not the tearing, painful scream that had filled Victor with such terror those many weeks ago. 

 

By this time tomorrow they would be together. Yuuri will have kept his promise, despite everything. He touched the spot where his scar lay, pouring love and adoration into Victor's thoughts as the other man fell asleep. 

 

Yuuri followed him a little while after, but his sleep was much more fitful. Whenever he woke in the night he could only feel disappointment that Victor was't in his arms.

 

* * *

 

"Slow down, Yuuri!" his mother called, laughter in her voice even as she chided him.

 

Were he feeling any sort of pain he may have listened. He certainly wasn't the only one in the group who was trying to get ahead of everyone. In fact, Takeshi was practically bolting down the beaten path ahead of them all, clearly hoping to run through the village to reach Yuuko as quickly as he could.

 

Yuuri couldn't hope to match his speed, but then again he'd already reached Victor in his head. 

 

 _Where are you?_ he asked frantically, unable to stop smiling as he ran faster still, eyes scanning around, up the trees to try and catch sight of something silver in flight, or a wolf's face through the foliage.

 

 _Come to our clearing,_ he heard Victor reply excitedly.  _I want to see you and you alone._

 

The thought was filled with such need and desperation that Yuuri's heart ached at the thought of the distance still between them, even though he was probably less than a few minutes away from seeing Victor. He would have given anything for a pair of wings, or for feet so quick he could run as fast as Victor did.

 

He needed to see Victor alone as well, to give them both the time to be together, to touch and kiss and hold on to each other. 

 

He turned to give his mother one last look, encouraged by her wide smile, and ran towards that clearing, where he knew Victor would be. 

 

He remembered the look on Victor's face when he left, a look of such faith and agony that it still humbled Yuuri, a reminder to keep his promise after doing what he needed to do.

 

Months ago, practically a lifetime ago, when the summer sun still warmed the earth, Yuuri had walked in almost the same direction, practically ready to go on his knees and beg for forgiveness for not even considering him in his choice to leave, for causing Victor such pain.

 

Dead leaves crunched beneath his feet, crinkled as his arms parted the foliage as he saw the light beyond the shadows cast by the trees until they gave way and Yuuri had to blink away the afternoon's brightness.

 

The last time Yuuri stepped into the area, Victor was weeping, yet shielding his pain from Yuuri.

 

Now he shone bright as the moon, and his joy flooded Yuuri's heart. 

 

He was smiling, warm and grateful and loving as he stood there, his silver hair unbound in the cooling wind. 

 

Yuuri stared at him, drinking in the glorious sight of him for only the briefest moment before they were both running towards each other, and in no time Yuuri let out a sharp exhale as Victor wrapped him up in his arms as tightly as he could, practically crushing him in the most desperate embrace Yuuri had ever experienced.

 

When he could finally breathe again it was all Victor's wonderful scent, his heat, his actual body wrapped around Yuuri like a shield, his hands roaming over and across Yuuri's body as his mind filled with frightened, overjoyed, anxious thoughts of  _are you here are you really here you're safe you're home-_

 

And suddenly Victor was on his knees, letting out a ragged breath as if all the strength had left him at once, face pressed against Yuuri's middle as he wept and hung on to Yuuri's shirt.

 

Momentarily dazed, Yuuri stared down at the sight of the man he once thought of as so completely untouchable, a pillar of strength and power, driven to his knees by  _him_ , by sheer love of him and the fact that they came so close to losing each other.

 

Throat painfully tight, Yuuri sobbed shakily as he too sank to his knees and drew Victor into a kiss, tearful and gentle, their minds a flurry of all sorts of grateful, pained, and happy thoughts as they closed the distance between them at last.

 

When they parted Victor's lips traveled across Yuuri's jaw, pressing against his ear to finally breathe out aloud, "Yuuri..."

 

Yuuri sobbed again at the sound, burying his face in Victor's shoulder and holding on to him tightly. "I missed you," he said with a sniffle, voice muffled by Victor's shoulder.

 

Victor's hand stroked Yuuri's hair, still trembling even as he soothed. "Gods, it's like...I knew you were out there, I could feel you, but...you're actually here, in my arms," he marveled. 

 

Drawing away to look into Victor's face again, Yuuri drank it all in like he'd been dying of thirst, taking in the sight of those lovely blue eyes and silken silver hair, sliding softly between his fingers once again. Smiling through his tears, Yuuri took Victor's face in his hands, thoughts going back to that awful moment when he had a knife sticking out of him and the only thing he could think to do was scream out Victor's name in terror. "And you're here," he replied, trying to wipe his tears away, along with Victor's, before pressing a kiss to his cheek. "You waited and you're  _here_ , and..."

 

"Shh..." Victor kissed both of Yuuri's cheeks, his tears still running down his face. "Of course I'm here, and of course I waited. I  _love_ you."

 

They held on to each other for several moments, kissing each other as much as they wanted, Victor's hands learning the slightly longer length of Yuuri's hair, and roaming further down until his palm finally reached the spot right over Yuuri's wound.

 

Victor flinched as he touched it, his eyes filling with remembered pain, and Yuuri's heart ached at the sight of it. "I'm fine," he said quietly, tipping Victor's face up to his. "I'm alive, I healed, I made it back home..."

 

While Victor gazed at him, full of adoration and need, his hand never left Yuuri's middle. He closed his eyes, brow wrinkling in agony as he leaned his forehead against Yuuri's. "That was the second time in my life that I actually wanted to _hurt_ someone," he confessed softly

 

Yuuri didn't need to ask what the first time was. Pressing back against Victor, he murmured, "He's dead. He's dead and I killed him. I survived what he did to me."

 

Victor nodded, a quick, jerking motion. "I hope he suffered. I only wish I could make him suffer more."

 

His voice was almost a low growl, and Yuuri wanted to make him focus on him, on them, on this moment, and not on that awful night. "Victor," he said firmly. "I'm alive. He's not. Let's just leave it at that. I just wish I hadn't terrified you," he added guiltily, recalling his scream and the horror he'd glimpsed in Victor's mind after he woke up.

 

"I was already terrified," Victor said with a bitter laugh. 

 

And it felt like he still was. Sighing and kissing the bridge of Victor's nose, "I'm not running away anymore. I don't ever want to hurt anyone like that again." 

 

When Victor opened his eyes again and looked right at Yuuri's, he could tell Victor had faith in him.

 

And that made Yuuri smile, which made Victor beam at him in turn. They embraced again, sharing the warmth they'd both been missing for months. 

 

* * *

 

Yuuri didn't think he would ever get used to reunions.

 

His father and sister greeted him as though he'd, yet again, returned from the dead and, to everyone's surprise, Yurio ran up to Yuuri to give him a grudging hug, all while muttering, "Don't ever scare us like that again, pig."

 

The reunion included the Nishigoris, Yuuko a glowing beacon of happiness as Takeshi touched her rounded belly with unrestrained devotion. "Only one this time," Yuuko assured everyone with a hint of relief, throwing a mischievous look towards her daughters.

 

Yuuri gazed at them all, at the family he'd managed to recover and the newer members, which now included Otabek, who was talking with Yurio, both of them apparently ignoring their dinner in favor of their conversation.

 

His mother sat between his father and sister, turning her warm smile towards each of them, meeting her husband's tender look. 

 

Yuuri wasn't sure if he'd ever spent so much time observing that tenderness between his parents, and realized it was what he wanted with Victor. That kind of easy affection.

 

Hours later, after washing off the grime of the road, Yuuri stepped into his bedroom and found Victor preparing their bed, looking up at him as he entered the room with a happy smile. "I missed you," he said, getting to his feet and crossing the room to take Yuuri's hands in his.

 

"I'm still here, though," Yuuri replied with a soft laugh, squeezing Victor's hands.

 

Victor gave him a sheepish look even as he filled Yuuri's head with soft, loving thoughts. "It may be some time before I can let you out of my sight," he confessed as he led Victor towards the bed.

 

"I feel the same way," Yuuri said as he sat down with a sigh, allowing Victor to draw him into his arms and lay them down. They shared a brief kiss, lips lingering against each other's for a few moments before they parted. Yuuri gazed at Victor's face, at the bright joy in his expression. "...Victor, I'm sorry," he whispered after a moment, wanting to apologize for every moment of pain Victor had to endure.

 

"Hush," Victor said before pressing a kiss to Yuuri's forehead. "What's done is done. I'm just glad you're with me again. Yuuri, you saved my life and healed me. You reminded me to be myself and that I wasn't alone."

 

It all sounded so lofty, as though he were giving Yuuri too much credit. Even so, Yuuri tangled their legs together, needing to touch as much of Victor as he could and fight of his exhaustion. "I'm not leaving you alone again," he swore. "As soon as we can, we're going to your home. I'm going to meet your family and we can finally start living our life together like normal people."

 

Victor chuckled softly, smiling back at Yuuri. "Normal. Like a human and a Changer." He leaned in to brush their lips together again, repeating softly, "I love you, Yuuri."

 

"I love you too," Yuuri answered, pouring all the love in his heart into the words.

 

Tears filled Victor's eyes again even as he kept smiling, his hand moving up to rest on Yuuri's cheek. "I thought I'd never be able to say that again. I feared never seeing you or holding you like this. I thought I was going to lose you when I heard you cry out, and then...nothing."

 

Yuuri sighed guiltily. "It was the only thing I could think of doing. I was...I was scared," he admitted, shivering at the memory. "I wanted you there, somehow."

 

"I wanted to be there," Victor said, sounding ashamed. "I'm your mate, and we're supposed to protect each other." 

 

"It wasn't your fault, Victor." He needed to reassure him of that. Yuuri didn't want Victor to take on all the blame. He drew Victor into his arms, feeling him hide his face in the crook of Yuuri's neck. "I don't blame you and I don't want you blaming yourself. Alright?"

 

He heard Victor give a tiny sniff before feeling him nod.

 

Yuuri tightened his hold on Victor, running his hands through his silver hair and loving the feel of it in his hand. "...I want to keep my eyes open."

 

Victor laughed into his neck before lifting his head to look down at him lovingly. "Go to sleep. I'll be with you all night, my love."

 

Yuuri wouldn't open his eyes and wake to the sight of a tent above him. He'd be in his own bed, in his home, and not in that lonely cabin that had been his refuge for so long. If a nightmare came, he'd wake up and find Victor beside him.

 

Trusting Victor, Yuuri closed his eyes and drifted off as Victor stroked his cheek and kissed his forehead, safe in the other man's arms. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> next up: the final part of the story


End file.
